With no supplies, no where to go, and no idea what's going on, the gang decides it's time for Tychus to get his accent back and for Amos to try out one of his own. Oh, and they should probably figure out where they're going next.
Click "Read More" for credits and transcripts of the episode.
Tychus: Boston accent
Tilly: Low, droning.
Amos: Australian? Boston? Mix?
Gunny: High pitched and excited.
Vantajar: English- sweeping and extravagant
Steve: We are doing a D&D game!
Jake: What is dungeon dragon?
Scott: What is dungeon? What is dragon?
Stephanie: How are baby made? How is babby formed?
Jake: Am I pragnant?
*Intro music- Bongos and guitar- upbeat, exciting*
Scott: Hello and welcome to the third episode of Shocking Gasp: A D&D Podcast. I’m Scott the Dungeon Master. Today we’re introducing our cast from least to most years spent playing Dungeons & Dragons. Coming in at the bottom we have Stephanie.
Stephanie: Wassup? I’m Stephanie, I’m playing Gunda Glitterblaster, and I have been playing D&D for zero years.
Scott: Then we have Steve.
Steve: Hi this is Steve, I’ve been playing D&D for 1 year. And I play Amos Vonal.
Scott: The next is Jake.
Jake: Hellooo! This is Jake, I’ll be playing Tilly, and I’ve been playing D&D for 2 years.
Scott: And last but not least, Alex.
Alex: Hail companions!
Steve: Oh man.
Alex: This is Alex and I’ll be playing Tychus Gemcutter, and I have been playing for 15 years.
Scott: 15 glorious years.
Steve: 15 years.
Scott: Yeah. And it’s been the same Dungeon Master the whole time I think.
Stephanie: It’s been 83 years.
Alex: Obviously I’m a masochist.
Scott: Some of you may be wondering why I bothered to say what order we’re introducing the cast in. What we’re doing is we’re allowing you, the audience, to share ideas on how we introduce ourselves each week. So if you have an idea that we can use to arrange our introductions, please send it to the Twitter page @ShockingGaspDnD or use the hashtag #shockingorder and we’ll find it that way. Moving on, we’ve released 5 15-minute episodes that we’re calling the preludes that introduce the players, the characters, and a bit of the world we’ll be adventuring in. These are purely background, there’s no story content in there, it’s just if you want to take the time to get to know us a bit more. I think those are all of the updates, so let’s begin.
*Recap music begins- serious, intense piano*
Scott: There is a light coming down from the sky. Everything within that circle is brighter than it should be. And you see in the very center of this circle is a lone figure walking along the road. And you see, he kind of looks over towards where the crater is, you don’t think he sees you there, but he extends his hand, and then dogs appear out of his extended hand and they start running towards the crater.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Puppies!
Steve (as Amos): “Nope. We have to go.” And I take off down the beach.
Jake: Tilly is actively undoing the keel boat right now.
Scott: You guys still manage to get this thing untied, pulled away from the dock, and the sail up. You are all on the boat and you have started sailing away off into the sunset and after a time you look back at the town. And you see the light. This, this cylinder of light that has been down on the town, right on the town square where you last saw all the people gathered and it starts to grow. It expands larger and larger. Until it encompasses the entire town. And it continues to grow. It encompasses the docks. It stretches all the way out to the wall along the border to the swamp. And then it gets brighter and brighter. After a time, you can barely look at it. It burns your retinas to look at this light covering the entire town. And then there is simply a flash. There's no sound. There are no screams. There's no noise, there's nothing. And. When your vision recovers. Nidri is gone.
*Recap music ends*
Jake: So is there nothing left?
Scott: As far as you can tell, no. The whole town is gone. The port.
Stephanie: It’s just been levelled?
Scott: Well, not levelled. So, the earth is still there, the terrain is the same. But the buildings, the docks, any manmade structures, that wall between the town and the swamp… all that stuff is gone. And that road that came down the hill towards Nidri just ends.
Alex: So is there like a giant crater? Or just- everything’s gone.
Scott: Everything’s gone. There’s no crater. The terrain is fine.
Stephanie: Is there rubble?
Scott: There’s no rubble.
Stephanie: Mmkay. Like, just zap? Gone.
Scott: It’s as if the town was never there. Just a grassy field.
Stephanie: So it like wiped it out of existence. No sign it was ever there. Okay.
Jake (as Tilly): Well, that was strange.
Alex (as Tychus): I have no idea what could have done that.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Oh no. Does our boat have a name? Can we name it?
Steve: Is there a name on the side of the boat?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Can we name it The Four Best Friends?
Scott: You can’t see the side of the boat from on the boat. But roll wisdom checks to see if you can recall seeing a name when you got on.
Stephanie: Oh. That’s no good. 6. So no.
Scott: Alex, did you try one?
Scott: Okay, so, Amos, with the 11… you vaguely remember seeing the name as you guys were running around on the docks trying to hastily set off and you recall the name was Nidri’s Pride.
Jake: Not any more it isn’t!
Stephanie (as Gunny): I vote we call it The Four Best Friends- On An Adventure!
Steve (as Amos): Does anyone know where the next town is?
Stephanie (as Gunny): You’re the pirate! Shouldn’t you know?
Steve: Uh. Would Amos know this coastline? And actually know where the next town- or what a destination would be?
Scott: Tell you what. Just roll an intelligence check but add your proficiency bonus to it.
Steve: Alright. Uh. 20.
Scott: Yeah. So you recall, you were looking over the maps as you’re sailing around, and you recall, at the speed you’ve been traveling around, approximately 20 days up the coast towards the north, there is another town called Nedrill.
Steve (as Amos): So Amos is gonna say, “Yeah, we need to take The Nidri’s Pride up the north about 20 days to the next town, which is Nedrill.
Stephanie: 20 days?!
Steve: What supplies do we have?
Stephanie: Jack shit.
Steve (as Amos): That’s not a very good answer.
Jake (as Tilly): Well, let me look around.
Scott: Roll investigation checks as you all start searching the boat for supplies.
Steve: Amos has a 15.
Stephanie: I have a 14.
Scott: Okay, so you guys search the boat over and you find there's a cargo hold, this is primarily a cargo transport I think and it's empty there's nothing in there. You assumed that they had just gotten up there and unloaded everything, they might have been in the process of reloading the boat but not much has gotten on. You find a crew quarters, inside there, there's just really just hammocks, sleeping sacks, not a whole lot more useful stuff. Up on deck the boat has plenty of rope and sail and all that junk that you used to sail around. And then the last one is in the Captain’s quarters… Who had the 16?
Scott: Tychus, you go into the Captain’s quarters and you see that there's a small desk in there and you open one of the drawers in the desk and you find a log book that contains the recent ports of call as well as the ship's registration papers.
Alex (as Tychus): This should be useful.
Stephanie (as Gunny): There's no food. What are we gonna do?
Alex: Where's the last place we were or do we have anything listed in the log that shows we might be picking something else up?
Scott: So just looking at the log this ship mostly just goes up and down this part of the coast, it’s not really a seafaring vessel so it doesn't go far out it just really runs along the coast and transports stuff. And as you look through the log you see that, yes it was scheduled to come into Nidri and unload some cargo and pick up some more cargo and then actually carry it, well it doesn't say where they were gonna carry it to.
Steve: Does it have any kind of small boat on it, like a dinghy or anything attached to it?
Scott: No, this boat was not super huge if I recall.
Alex: It was the middle one, wasn't it? It has like three masts? Or it had a mast?
Jake: Yeah, it was a keel boat, so it's not real big.
Scott: Yeah, you guys took the keel boat, uh, so they're not very large.
Jake: Well luckily, you know, Tilly was thinking ahead and packed 50 days’ worth of rations in his character sheet before he started so... We're good to go.
Scott: I doubt that happened.
Steve: So, is the water... I'm assuming it's salt water, is that true?
Stephanie (as Gunny): So we have no water.
Jake: He also has a hundred gallons of water on him.
Steve (as Amos): Ah, before we get back to um, what we're gonna do next, I hate to point out the obvious, but we can't drink any of that water we can see, and it doesn't seem like we have enough to eat. Ah, the only problem we don't have it, we got plenty of place to go to the bathroom, so. What do we have in our packs? And if it's not enough, we're gonna have to find a place to pull this ship up and somehow get to shore.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Speak for yourself! I can't go to the bathroom anywhere I want!
Scott: No, you have ye olde She-Wee, so...
Stephanie (as Gunny): Ooooh. Okay.
Steve: Stand with pride!
Stephanie (as Gunny): I did not see that in my traveler's pack.
Steve: Aaand, we just lost a ton of listeners.
Scott: Or did we gain some?
Steve: Or we might have gained them, yeah.
Steve: I am an advocate of the She-Wee.
Scott: She-Wee is this week's sponsor. She-Wee! She who wees, where she to wee wee? I'm gonna cut that. I don't know what that meant, but...
Alex: Mother of God.
Stephanie: What comes in an explorer's pack?
Scott: Two She-wees.
Steve: So we've got 8 she-wees.
Alex: Right? I don't know why the other 3 of us are carrying those. Like "Yeah, I got one, it's just at the bottom of my bag."
Alex: Tychus. So we would suggest... Let's see if we can find a spot along the coast, as we sail along this day, where we might be able to pull up, go on land, forage for some supplies, and then get back in the boat and sail to our next destination.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I agree.
Alex: Wherever that may be.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I think that sounds great.
Scott: On page 151 in The Player's Handbook: Explorer's Pack includes a backpack, bedroll, mess kit, tinder box, 10 torches, 10 days of rations, a water skein. It also has 50 feet of hempen rope.
Stephanie: Is it a full water skein?
Scott: Uh, yes, but a single water skein gets you half a day of water.
Stephanie: Shit. Do we have barrels on the boat, where we could like fill them with water if we were to come across a stream?
Scott: There are no barrels.
Stephanie: Son of a bitch. There are no vessels? Urns? Buckets? Nothing?
Jake: They have urns, but they have a bunch of people's remains in them, so we have to empty those out.
Stephanie: We dump em and wash em out.
Alex: Well we're gonna need supplies, so. I say we look for a spot to stop.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I'm with him.
Steve: Alright. I guess it's another thing, I'm gonna have to find out. Roll the same check, see if Amos would just know that, how well he knows that coastline.
Steve: Uh, 16.
Scott: So this coastline, you're way out at the tip of the peninsula, and inland from the peninsula, it was mostly swamp. So, everything on land, pretty much until you get to Nedrill, pretty much is just swampland. And that is one of the reasons why there's no other towns that are closer. It's also the reason why Nidri exists. It was the one point on that peninsula, where it was solid enough ground that they could actually put a town. So you'll just have to find somewhere in the swampland, and risk going in there to see if you can find food and water and what not. Side note: Are there oceanside swamps? Is that a thing?
Alex: Like Florida.
Alex: The Everglades.
Scott: I just described Florida. You guys are in Florida.
Steve: You call it a glade.
Jake: We're in The Keys guys!
Stephanie: Are there alligators?
Scott: There's no alligators, but there is, since there's Florida, when you go to the swamp, there's a ton of white dudes on PCP that are just...
Scott: They're ready to take you down.
Steve: And translucent ghost dogs!
Steve: Don't forget them.
Jake: And apparently anacondas.
Stephanie: I thought they liked bath salts down there.
Scott: Is that it? They like weird stuff in Florida.
Steve (as Amos): So we're gonna head up the coast here, and uh, it looks like we got about, I don't know, enough food to make it halfway, but we don't have enough water to make it much into tomorrow. Ah. Everything here between where we are and Nedrill, is pretty much swamp. So, we're really just gonna have to find the best place.
Jake (as Tilly): Is there any value in checking on Nidri?
Steve (as Amos): Ah, you probably saw like the rest of us, Nidri's gone.
Alex (as Tychus): I feel like I'm just gonna wake up from this at some point. Like: City disappeared, man splits in four, crazy dogs trying to eat me? Like, I feel like I'm tripping balls right now. Like, this isn't actually happening so...
Stephanie (as Gunny): Tripping balls?
Alex (as Tychus): Yeah, let's go into the swamp and find things, I'm sure that nothing bad can actually happen to me because I firmly believe I'm actually dreaming right now.
Stephanie (as Gunny): What's tripping balls?
Alex (as Tychus): It's what's happening to us right now.
Stephanie (as Gunny): So I'm tripping balls?
Jake: Tilly slaps Tychus.
Jake (as Tilly): You're not sleeping my friend.
Stephanie: Gunny pinches him just to make sure that he knows...
Alex (as Tychus): Why do you all keep doing this to me?!
Scott: As you guys are standing there, you start to hear a thumping coming from within the Captain's quarters.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Didn't you just search in there Tychus?
Alex (as Tychus): I didn't see anybody in there.
Steve (as Amos): Yeah, what in there making that noise?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Go back in there. Go find out.
Alex: Which one's the biggest out of everyone here?
Scott: Probably the 8 foot tall gnome.
Alex: The 8 foot tall gnome.
Jake: Tilly goes in and checks it out.
Alex (as Tychus): Yeah, I'm gonna be like, "Alright, I'm gonna go check it out, but, uh, you, Tilly, you come with me."
Scott: The weird thing- If you're looking for the physically biggest, then it'd be the 8 foot tall gnome, if you're looking for the strongest, it's probably the 4 and a half foot tall other gnome.
Stephanie: Uh. 3 and a half.
Scott: Oh sorry, 3 and a half foot tall gnome.
Stephanie: Er- 3! 3 foot. 3 foot, sorry.
Scott: The 3 foot tall gnome.
Alex (as Tychus): Tychus like mumbles under his breath so no one can hear him, he's like, "Goddamn city disappearing, 8 foot tall gnome, I am not actually- I am on drugs right now, this is not real."
Stephanie (as Gunny): What's drugs?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Anybody?
Jake (as Tilly): Coffee, let's move on.
Alex (as Tychus): Alright Tilly, let's go and check out this thumping sound.
Alex: I'm gonna walk up and like put my ear against the door.
Jake: Tilly opens the door.
Scott: Okay! So...
Alex: As I'm standing in the doorway, like with my head against the door, it just opens. Like okay."
Scott: Tilly just steps over you and into the room. Uh, so the room, I mean on a boat, it's not gonna have a tall ceiling, so Tilly, you definitely have to hunch over quite a bit, I mean, it might be a 6 foot ceiling. So you're hunched over in there and roll a perception check to see if you can identify where the thumping is.
Jake: That's a fumble!
Jake: I'm starting at my shoes.
Scott: You guys are looking around the room trying to figure out... and- with your 17, so the thumping isn't going on right now, but with a 17, Tychus, you look and you remember from when you were in here earlier, there is a chest in this room. Like the Captain's trunk, and it's not in the- quite the same spot that it was earlier. It's shifted several inches.
Alex (as Tychus): That chest- that chest moved! That's not where it was.
Jake (as Tilly): Let's open it!
Alex: Did I look in the chest earlier?
Scott: No it's locked.
Alex: It's locked. Alright. Uh, Tychus is gonna like, find some sort of pole or stick or a chair in front of the desk and like poke the check and see if it rumbles back.
Jake: Tilly's gonna head understand and ask if either of the other two have any abilities with thieves tools.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I have a jeweler's tool.
Scott: So, just to, this...
Stephanie (as Gunny): I'm also strong.
Scott: This being a keel boat, it doesn't exactly have two levels. They were basically just flat barges and then on the end of them, they had maybe like a little...
Scott: Yeah, like where the quarters are, so, the cargo hold is really just out expose in the open, it's just the flat part of the boat. And then in the back there was this little hut thing, kind of, and, uh, it's been split in two, where one side of it, is just the Captain's room, and then the other one is just general crew quarters. But anyways, um, Tychus, as you jab this thing. Tilly leaves the room to go talk to the others, and you start pushing on this thing with your chair, and uh, when you do that, you hear from inside, you know like: *muffled shouts* and it kind of thumps and wiggles a little bit.
Alex (as Tychus): Tychus is like "Oh, hell, somebody's in here."
Alex: I do have thief’s tools and am proficient in them, I wanna see if I can pick the lock.
Scott: Okay. Um, I don't even know what you're roll for that. Yeah, go from sleight of hand. Or, would it just be a dex + your proficiency, I think? Because so, the way 5th edition works, the tools- having the tools lets you try it, and then having proficiency in the tools, lets you at your proficiency bonus.
Scott: So you get down there, and this is a very simple lock, um, very easy to pick, and you get- in almost no time at all you shimmy it open and you throw back the lid, and you look inside and you see a very extravagantly dressed halfling is inside this trunk.
Steve: Oh jeez.
Jake: Is that frickin' Vantajar?!
Stephanie: *gasps* Yaaaay!
Jake: Aw, damnit!
Scott: Uh, Tychus.
Scott: You throw open this chest, what do you do?
Alex (as Tychus): Probably like jump back and be kinda like, "What are you doing in here?"
Scott (as Vantajar): He gets up and he stands up, and he stays in the chest, but he stands up in there, and he straightens his clothes out and everything, he reaches down in the chest and pulls out a hat. Big, giant hat and plops it on his head. And he looks at you and he goes, "Well, hiding, of course!"
Alex (as Tychus): From what? What are you? How long you been in there?
Scott (as Vantajar): He looks like he's about to answer you, and then he kind of stops and he looks to the side and he furrows his brow, and he says, "Huh! I don't remember!"
Alex (as Tychus): Oh. Okay. Well, you know...
Scott (as Vantajar): He's like, "Perhaps, I might have ran out of oxygen in here and passed out. Yes! I'm sure that's what it was. Well I was hiding from something and... Now I've been found so. Thank you! Haha!"
Alex (as Tychus): I don't remember giving you permission to ride on my boat.
Scott (as Vantajar): He looks at you and he says, "I don't remember this being your boat."
Alex (as Tychus): Well you don't remember a lot of things apparently, and I distinctly remember this is my boat. Uh. You need to come out here with me, uh. And we can discuss you being on my boat.
Scott (as Vantajar): He says, "Fine." And then he crawls out of the chest, and he's like- he starts to walk out of the room, but he stops right next to you and he turns and he points a little finger up at you, and he says, "But I’ll need you to prove this is your boat!" And he just walks out of the room and into the light. And at this point the rest of you see Vantajar come walking out of the boat. Or out of the Captain's quarters.
Jake (as Tilly): Who is this, Tychus?
Alex: Just a note, I'm gonna run over to the Captain's desk and grab all the registration papers and stuff and put them in my bag.
Steve (as Amos): Oh you gotta be kidding me.
Alex (as Tychus): And I'll run back out and be like, "This is uh, this is, I don't know who he is, but he was inside the chest. He was hiding from something."
Steve (as Amos): Why'd it have to be Vantajar?
Scott: Vantajar goes running over to Amos, and just like a small child wraps around your leg.
Steve: Oh my god.
Scott (as Vantajar): And he's like, "Master Amos! So good to see you!"
Steve: I'm trying to shake him off like a small and annoying dog.
Steve (as Amos): Yeah, yeah. Get off my leg there.
Alex (as Tychus): Tychus is gonna be like, "So you know this, this garishly dressed tiny man?"
Steve (as Amos): Well, believe me, it wasn't on purpose.
Alex (as Tychus): Were you the one that told him he could ride on our boat?
Alex: And like, I'll emphasize that.
Stephanie: Did you guys grow up in Boston together?
Steve: Yeah, my voice is definitely getting worse.
Steve (as Amos): Uh, nah. I was just- we met in a bar right as everything was falling apart.
Steve: Yeah, man, what happened to my voice?
Scott: Dude yeah, what'd you do?
Alex: You morphed into mine.
Stephanie: You're mimicking Alex.
Scott: You're supposed to be Australian.
Steve: Yeah. Terrible. Voices. Give me a second.
Scott: Just think of the guy from Thor.
Stephanie *in bad Australian accent*: That's not a knife, this is a knife.
Steve *in bad Australian accent*: That's not a knife.
Scott *mimicking Korg from Thor Ragnarok*: Hey man, we're gonna get on this ship here.... start a revolution!
Steve: Oh dude, that's the best.
Scott *same voice*: Would you like to come along.
Stephanie *trying to do the same voice, failing*: My name's Korg.
Steve *trying to do the same voice, failing*: Do you want to come along? We're gonna go over there and probably go check out the swamp.
Stephanie *same voice*: This here's Mick.
Steve *same voice*: Mick's dead.
Scott *same voice*: Okay, new Doug.
Alex *trying to do the same voice, failing*: Got any pamphlets in there?
Steve: Oh shit.
Scott: That pamphlets part, by the way, if you didn't notice, that was a case of paper beating rock.
Alex: Oh jeez.
Steve: How clever.
Scott: Yeah. They did that shit on purpose in the movie. Sorry, anyway, back to the game.
Stephanie (as Gunny): A new friend! What's your name?
Jake (as Tilly): It's now The Five Best Friends boat.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Yaaay!
Scott (as Vantajar): He goes, "That's right! A new friend." He looks at Gunny and he goes, "I am Vantajar Varzhand." And he does this big sweeping bow, takes his hat off and everything.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Pleasure to meet you. I'm Gunny Glitterblaster.
Stephanie: And she mimics him.
Scott: He just laughs.
Steve (as Amos): Vantajar, you don't happen to have any water in there, do you?
Scott (as Vantajar): Uhhh, no. Just me.
Steve (as Amos): Oh great.
Scott (as Vantajar): But master Amos, I'm sure you'll be able to get us out of this situation. You are, after all, the hero of my story.
Jake (as Tilly): What story?
Steve: Amos is just gonna shake his head and ignore him. And start sailing the ship in closer to shore.
Scott (as Vantajar): Vantajar will look at Tilly and goes, "I am a bard of some renown and Master Amos, well he was sent to me by the muses. I'm going to write his tale. And a grand tale it will be!"
Stephanie (as Gunny): Ooh! That sounds fun!
Scott (as Vantajar): Yes!
Jake (as Tilly): So is the whole city exploding thing- is that part of his heroism? Or?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Yeah, what has Amos done that's heroic so far? I wanna know. I wanna hear about it.
Scott (as Vantajar): He stopes and he's like, "City exploding?"
Stephanie (as Gunny): Yup. Poof! Gone.
Scott (as Vantajar): "I'm sorry, there's no exploding city in my tale. But Master Amos, well he-" And he looks to the side and he furrows his brows again and he goes, "It'll come to me, but Master Amos, he certainly did something impressive."
Jake (as Tilly): Yeah, so when Tilly sees that, he pulls his notebook out and is furiously writing notes and then puts it away.
Scott: OK. What is the nature of your notes, I guess?
Jake: Oh just the fact that he doesn't seem to remember Nidri being no longer.
Stephanie: Is it his handy dandy notebook?
Jake: Yes. It's my handy dandy notebook.
Scott (as Vantajar): Vantajar looks at Tychus and Tilly and says, "I believe you two have not yet introduced yourselves."
Jake (as Tilly): My name is Alnor Gladdenstone, but you can call me Tilly.
Scott (as Vantajar): Pleasure to meet you Tilly.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Where does that come from?
Jake (as Tilly): What dear?
Stephanie (as Gunny): What does Tilly come from? Your name doesn't have Tilly in it, how did they get Tilly?
Jake (as Tilly): As a fellow rock gnome, you should understand that there are lots of nicknames our traditional family units will provide us. That is one of mine.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Yeah, but my name's Gunda and my nickname's Gunny and that makes sense to me.
Jake (as Tilly): It doesn't always have to make sense, we can move on.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Okay.
Alex (as Tychus): Yeah, Tychus will extend his hand and go, "Yeah, my name's Tychus. You're welcome, by the way for me getting you out of that chest. Probably saved your life, you might owe me, but you can write about it in your story with Amos about me, saving your life."
Scott (as Vantajar): "Yes, perhaps I might, Tychus, owner of the boat." And when he says "owner of the boat" he says it very loud and he looks to everyone else to see if they agree.
Jake (as Tilly): Tychus! This is your boat?!
Alex (as Tychus): Yeah.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Well that's convenient!
Alex: I wanna roll like a persuasion to everyone?
Alex (as Tychus): And literally be just like, "Yes, this IS mine and by extension, OUR boat. Now."
Scott: Roll your persuasion, and anyone who doesn't want to go along with his story, you can choose to ignore this.
Alex (as Tychus): Well, I fumbled, so, I probably was like "NO I MEAN WE STOLE IT! I MEAN NO! I MEAN. This is our boat!"
Stephanie (as Gunny): I was worried we stole it and I was gonna feel really bad about stealing it, but since it's your boat, I mean that makes everything cool.
Scott: Just for reference, you fumbled, Vantajar rolled a natural 17.
Scott (as Vantajar): And he extends his hand to you and he goes, "Haha, so what you're saying is that we're ALL trespassers on this vessel."
Alex (as Tychus): That's not what I'm saying, but, y'know to each their own on how they interpreted what I said. What's more important than trespassing or boat ownership or anything is we're gonna run out of water in a day, so, got any tricks up your garishly dressed sleeve that can help us out with that?
Stephanie (as Gunny): I like his clothes.
Scott (as Vantajar): He shakes his head and says, "No, I have precious little in the way of sustenance on me. Why would you guys take this boat out to sea without any food or water? It seems like very poor borrowing.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Mr. Vantajar, didn't you- do you remember where we just were, in that city, and it went- it's not there anymore.
Jake (as Tilly): Yeah, um.
Stephanie (as Gunny): It's gone.
Jake (as Tilly): Tilly like stands in front of Gunny and says, "What my little friend is trying to say is, we were in a rush." And then he looks back at her glaring like...
Stephanie (as Gunny): What?!
Jake (as Tilly): ... stop talking, he doesn't know. He says, "We'll talk about it later."
Stephanie: Gunny just looks at her feet.
Scott (as Vantajar): Well then.
Alex (as Tychus): Obviously there was a miscommunication on the docks, they should have loaded us with supplies, it looks like they didn't, but uh, I'd rather not take the extra time to go back.
Scott: He walks up to you- how tall are you anyways?
Alex: Probably like 4'2" 4'4"?
Scott: Alright. What- he's a half elf?
Alex: Tychus is a dwarf.
Scott: Oh, a dwarf, holy damn. Let me change that, ping! There was go. My brain picture just changed from half elf to dwarf. He walks past you and pats you on the shoulder and he says, "Some of us are better liars than others, my good man." And he walks over to Amos and he goes, "Well, Master Amos, you're the only one I trust fully right now, how are we going to get out of this?"
Steve (as Amos): Well, Vantajar, here's what we're doing. We're taking this ship in close to the land, we're gonna have to get out in the swamp and go find some water, that's our first priority. In fact, right now, this ship is getting harder to steer because we're starting to draft low in the water. We need to stop having these conversations about what city disappeared when and start making a plan to get off this thing and get out there.
Scott: As light as it is, having no cargo, you could probably get it pretty close, close enough to shore that when it bottoms out, you can hop out and walk in. Kinda like the houseboat we take on our fishing trip.
Steve: I don't know what kind of bottom it has, but, I know that larger ships, even a keelboat will get harder to steer and harder to stop the more shallow the water becomes under them.
Scott: Yeah. Oh yeah.
Steve: That's kind of what's starting to happen, it's getting a little harder to steer and we're about to stop.
Scott: I don't know anything about boats so I'm going to take your word on that. Anyways, so you guys get the boat- we'll just story through it, you guys, uh, somewhat successfully, it's a little bit rough, but there's no damage done or anything, but you get the boat to get up on land and y'know, you're there, you can hop out.
Steve: Is it actually on land, or are we still in the water a little bit?
Scott: No, so you guys sailed- you got in as close to the shore as you dared, and you found a spot where it looks like it's mostly soft sandy beach and you took it in, y'know straight perpendicular to the shore and the front- the very front end of the boat is now uh- shit, what do they call that? Beached? It's beached.
Alex: Are there any like trees or anything close to the beach line that we could tie the ropes to make sure it doesn't like get sucked back out in the water?
Steve: In this area, is there a tide?
Scott: I think there would be a tide. I'm not prepared within the realm of D&D to even worry about that. Um, and I will say yes, there are a few trees that appear sturdy enough that you could tie the boat off.
Stephanie: Gunny's gonna hop out and just start exploring.
Steve (as Amos): Hey, I need a couple people to take these halyards?? here and tie them to those trees over there before we leave the boat.
Stephanie: Gunny's already gone.
Steve (as Amos): And Vantajar, I don't have a plan after grounding this boat. I just know we need to get on land and find some water.
Jake: Tilly's tying up the boat.
Alex: Yeah, Tychus will help.
Scott: Okay, so you guys spend a few minutes, the boat's tied up. Just a reminder from last week though: Gunny you only have like 1 hit point left, I believe.
Stephanie: Oh, I do?
Scott: Yeah, you took, cause you were fighting the- you guys fought the dogs. And you guys should have kept track of your hit points from then. The reason I ask, before you go venturing out into the swamp to search for food and stuff, you might want to consider taking a short rest.
Stephanie: Alright, well I guess I'll do that then.
Scott: So, is everybody- Does anybody else have any damage?
Steve: I have no damage.
Alex: No damage.
Jake: Tilly has a little bit.
Scott: OK. So you are, are you all going to take a short rest? Or are some of you going to go into the swamp and leave Gunny behind? What's your plan?
Alex: Uh, if we need to rest, like we can probably do some scouting just real close to where we're at, like still inside of the boat, and when Gunny's ready to go we can venture out as a crew.
Scott: Tilly are you going to spend recovery die as well?
Scott: Ok. You guys tie the boat off and Gunny says, "Hey guys before we go out there, I need a minute." She's gonna take her short rest, the rest of you are gonna go out exploring around. So those of you that are going to do some light scouting, roll perception checks please. Gunny go ahead and roll your recover die.
Stephanie: Um. It's what I get + my constitution modifier?
Scott: That's right.
Stephanie: So I got 16 then, but I only have 14 hit points, so.
Scott: What's your con mod?
Scott: Nice. So you're back to full health then. What'd you get on those perception checks?
Scott: So you guys walk around and you probably go a couple hundred feet away from where the boat is beaching during your search and you don't really find anything super useful. I mean, you don't any sources of food or fresh clean water or anything like that.
Alex (as Tychus): Looks like we'll have to travel further in.
Jake (as Tilly): Gunny, are you ready to go?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Yep!
Steve: It's all swamp, right?
Steve: But we can't tell if it's swamp because of ocean water coming in, or if something else is feeding it.
Scott: Roll a nature check.
Steve: Or like, just tasting the water to see how much salt is in it. 9.
Scott: It's difficult for you to tell from where you are, but just looking around and seeing how everything goes and kind of looking at how the brackish water mixes and everything, you think that the swamp might be fed from an inland source of water, but you also know that this swamp is humongous. So the farther you get away from the ocean, probably the cleaner and more fresh the water becomes. The salinity will go down.
Steve (as Amos): "I can't tell for sure" BLEHHH! Gosh! Just delete all that crap.
Scott *mimicking Taika Waititi*: Hey guys!
Steve *mimicking Crocodile Dundee*: That's not a knife, this is a knife. I might have to-
Scott: Hey man!
Steve: I might have to be like, "G'Day mate," like every time before I start talking.
Steve: Y'know so...
Jake: What a great character choice, like every sentence you start with is "G'Day mate."
Steve (as Amos): G'Day mate! I may not know for sure, but looking at the water, I think if we go out a little ways toward the land, we'll probably find a feeder that's getting fresh water down to here. But, can't say how far it would be.
Stephanie: If we find a crocodile, will you wrestle it?
Steve (as Amos): Ah, no.
Stephanie *disappointed*: Oh.
Scott: You guys go venturing into the swamp-
Alex: Yeah we do.
Scott: As you go setting out, Vantajar, he says, "Ick, that's yucky swamp, I'll stay and watch the boat."
Stephanie (as Gunny): You can ride on my shoulders.
Jake (as Tilly): I think it would be better if he rode on my shoulders.
Steve (as Amos): I think it would be better if he actually stays on the boat.
Steve: That was Tychus, I just want you to know, I was speaking for Tychus.
Alex (as Tychus): Tychus goes, "I agree, it's good to have somebody watch the boat."
Scott: Let's give up now, everybody has a Boston accent. There.
Alex: No fair! I had it first!
Steve: I mean, it wouldn't be that strange.
Jake: Hey! What you talkin' bout.
Stephanie: Pahk da cah in Hahvahd yahd.
Jake: Pahk da cah in Hahvahd yahd.
Steve: They are similar.
Scott: I'll try, wicked hahd.
Stephanie: Wicked hahd.
Alex: Goes like this: God, Bwady, Jesus. Go Pats.
Steve: God, Brady, Jesus.
Jake: Go Pats!
Scott: You guys go into the swamp.
Scott: Roll survival checks.
Steve (as Amos): G'Day mate. I got an 18.
Jake: Wait, so, does Amos say that out loud? Like we're just walking through a swamp and Amos goes, 'I've got an 18!"
Scott: Yeah G'Day mate!
Steve: G'Day mate, I got 18.
Alex: I really want that to be what you say every time, because at some point it's gonna be like: Two party members get killed, we failed miserably, and you're gonna be like, "G'Day Mate!" It's not a good day.
Scott: G'Day mate that really sucks. Oy. You know, we're not professionals, it's ok.
Steve: Yeah it's good. You gotta work with what you got.
Scott: What was the result of all though.
Scott: Ok. So those survival check-, when you're hunting for food, it allows you to use a survival check. So anybody who got a 10 or higher manages to find some sort of weird swamp fruit that's probably edible...
Stephanie: Mmm swamp fruit.
Scott: You might catch some snakes or other reptiles that you could cook 'em and eat those. You find some trees or whatever that you can cut down to get dry wood so you can start your fire and all that stuff. The big problem is water at this point, and the two that got 15 or higher, which I think that was Tilly and Amos?
Scott: You guys find some sort of fruit- Amos you identify it because y'know you've travelled a lot and you've relied on this many times. Tilly, you identify it just because you've read about it in your studies and so you know what this is. But it's basically, we'll just say it's like a swamp coconut. It's got a hard outer shell, but when you crack it open, it contains a considerable amount of not quite water, but like a watery type juice. Y'know pretty much the same as coconut milk.
Scott: You if you can gather enough of these, y'know that's a really good- you've got the room for it on the boat.
Steve: Does he know how many it would take? So he can tell everybody?
Scott: Uh, yeah, I mean that's a number we don't really need to know for the show but
Scott: Yeah, so. You guys find a grove of it and you get the others there. And you probably spend, probably 4 maybe? Yeah I think 4 or 5 hours you guys spend in this particular grove harvesting it and taking it back to the boat. And you reach a point where you're pretty sure you have enough of it to serve as all your water.
Scott: On the last trip back to the boat, the four of you approach and you're unloading the stuff and you- normally Vantajar would be sitting there kind of humming a song and playing on his little croakbox thing, but you come back and you don't see him.
Steve (as Amos): Ah. G'day mate. "Does it seem a little quieter here than usual?"
Jake (as Tilly): Where's the small halfling?
Steve (as Amos): Yeah.
Stephanie (as Gunny) *shouting*: Vantajaaar. Where aaare youuu?
Alex (as Tychus): "Is he on the boat?" Tychus is like, "I'm gonna go look in the captain's quarters."
Steve: I'm gonna look around for tiny footprints.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Did he get trapped in that chest again?
Alex (as Tychus): He strikes me as someone that would be falling asleep on the job when they're supposed to watch the boat. Let me see if he's in the hammocks.
Scott: So Tychus, you're going to check the hammocks.
Scott: Amos, you said you're searching around for tiny footprints?
Scott: Gunny, are you just walking around shouting?
Stephanie: I'll go check the chest.
Scott: Ok. And then Tilly what are you doing?
Jake: He's loading up the coconuts.
Stephanie: Is he singing "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts?"
Scott: Straight to work.
Steve: He doesn't care.
Jake: *in the background singing I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts*
Scott: The most promising lead, Amos we'll start with you, roll a survival or investigation.
Steve: Hmm, survival will be 18.
Scott: Good. So you're looking around for these tracks and you see, y'know, in the soft mud, some tracks from Vantajar. But then you see other tracks that lead up to the boat and eventually you see a little spoke where all these tracks are intermingling. It looks like a very obvious kind of skirmish and then you see two rivets in the ground, you assume these are where someone's feet are being drug in the ground and then flanked on either side of them are these other footprints. And as you look at those footprints you see that they look a lot- very similar to maybe a bird. Y'know, so it's a 3-toed claws foot that left these in the ground.
Steve: Hey, come over here!
Stephanie (as Gunny): Tychus? Is that you?
Scott: G'day mate!
Steve (as Amos): G'day mate! It's Amos! "Come on over here and check out these prints! It looks like there was a little bit of a struggle, definitely small enough to be Vantajar. And a weird looking print over here, not sure what it is, but they go off in that direction."
Jake: I want to do a nature check on the print.
Scott: You look at this print and the best guess you can make is that native in the swamp and as mentioned, back in town, the whole reason for that wall, was that there are Lizardfolk that live in the swamp and they occasionally like to capture people and potentially even eat them.
Jake (as Tilly): Yeah, so, I think we're good. I think he just went out for a walk. Maybe we should just wait by the boat to see if he comes back.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I don't believe you.
Jake (as Tilly): Oh, I'm just kidding, that's a little joke. I think he was captured by Lizardfolk.
Stephanie (as Gunny): That's not funny.
Steve (as Amos): Captured by Lizardfolk!
Jake (as Tilly): Yeah.
Scott: G'day mate! Captured by Lizardfolk!
Steve (as Amos): Ah, G'day mate! I think Vantajar might be in real trouble. Ah, I mean, he's annoying but I'm kind of partial to the little guy.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Is he paying you?
Steve (as Amos): No, he's really just making a story.
Jake (as Tilly): Well, maybe these Lizardfolk do have some sort of- what's the word I'm looking for- goods that we can take with us.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Yeah! Maybe they'll share!
Steve (as Amos): No.
Jake (as Tilly): Maybe they have coffee! Gunny, do you want to see if they have coffee?
Stephanie (as Gunny): *gasp* Maybe they have coffee! Yeah!
Steve (as Amos): Nah. Wizard- lizard-
Stephanie (as Gunny): And drugs!
Steve (as Amos): Lizardfolk aren't going to be friendly.
Stephanie (as Gunny): They're not? Why not? But we'll be friendly to them, so they'll be friendly back! Right? No? That's not how it works?
Jake (as Tilly): No it is, it's call The Theory of Reciprocating Friendliness, yes, I do think that's a thing. Yes, we should go find them.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I feel like you're patronizing me.
Jake (as Tilly): *patronizingly* Nooooooo.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Let's go meet the Lizard People, if they're not friendly, we'll just kill them all.
Jake (as Tilly): Woah! Little out of character there little lady!
Stephanie (as Gunny): That was a joke!
Jake (as Tilly): Oh! I love that.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Just like- Yeah. I'm learning from you Tilly.
Jake (as Tilly): I love it.
Alex (as Tychus): Tychus just like walks between you guys and is like, "Both of your jokes are awful, let's go."
Scott: So you guys head out into the swamp.
Steve: Following the prints of the Lizardfolk.
Stephanie: How many times have we headed out into the swamp?
Scott: Whoops. Many, I mean you guys were heading into the swamp probably like every 10 minutes for the last 4 hours, gathering those swamp coconuts.
Steve: We've been on the freakin swamp-
Alex: So we've been like in and out every 10 minutes, like we'll know that they couldn't have gotten super far ahead of us probably?
Scott: So I'm thinking it'll be- probably what is what was like, I'm gonna say a 10-ish minute trek to get to the grove. And then you probably spend another 10-20 minutes finding enough of those coconuts and then 10 minutes back.
Stephanie: 30-40 minutes.
Scott: It was 30-40 minutes maybe longer each time you guys came back.
Scott: The four of you head off into the swamp to find Vantajar and what we're going to do- I'm going to try and bring back something that was used a lot in 4th edition, that is the skill challenge. And so what this is, is you guys have to find a way to track down Vantajar or whoever kidnapped Vantajar in this swamp and the idea is to rely primarily on skills. So the way a skill challenge works is you guys have to have so many skill successes before you get so many skill failures and I encourage you not to just keep re-using the same skill over and over and over again. So I don't want to see a lot of "I roll survival to track- to follow the tracks. And I do that again. And I do that again" because that's boring. The idea is to just get more skills used, so, with that in mind, the goal for this next part, I guess to make it easier on you guys, is basically- I mean you're trying to find a guy in the swamp and you tell me what you want to do, and I will try and reply with, "Make this skill check to see if you can do that or how well that pans out."
Scott: So, what do you do?
Steve: Amos is tracking the prints on the ground and periodically looking ahead to see if he can see anything.
Scott: Ok. Roll a survival check to see how well you can follow those tracks.
Steve: Ugh, a 6.
Scott: You follow the tracks a little bit into the swamp, but then after a while the water mixing around with all the mud- it is quickly washed the tracks away and you lose them.
Steve: Oh shit.
Alex: Tychus would like to look and see if he can see like broken branches, pushed away things, like somewhere where it looks like somebody moved- like drug something like through the brush and would have like altered the nature around it.
Scott: I will allow either a survival or investigation.
Alex: I'm trying to "perceive" it. But I'll do investigation. 8.
Scott: No, you don't really notice any broken branches or anything like that, that would help you figure out where the trail went.
Stephanie: Um, Gunny's gonna see if there's maybe like a tree nearby she could climb and take a look from the heights and see if she can see anything.
Scott: Ok. So Gunny spies a tree and climbs up it, roll a perception check when you get to the top of that tree.
Stephanie: Crap. 6.
Stephanie: Anybody else wanna join me?
Scott: Poor Vantajar.
Stephanie: We're never gonna find him.
Steve: We all need unicorn dice now.
Scott: You climb to the top of this tree and you look out. You don't see the trail and you don't really see any creatures moving or anything, but way far off in the distance, you see what looks like a overgrown structure of some kind.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I'll tell everybody, "Hey there's some kind of structure over there. Let's head in that direction. May be a sign of civilization."
Steve (as Amos): Yeah, I lost the tracks over here, and last I saw them, they were going off in that direction.
Jake: So Tilly's gonna look around and put his finger to his mouth to tell everybody to be quiet and then he's going to focus really hard and he's going to try to paint with all the color of the wind and see if he can use his natural innate abilities to see if he can hear where those Lizardfolk are.
Stephanie: Oh my god.
Steve: Oh gosh.
Scott: So you're just listening? You're just gonna stand there and listen to the swamp.
Jake: Yeah, the wind and the changes of time, something's going to give me some sort of inspiration.
Scott: Uh, you hear frogs? And burbling swamp gas.
Stephanie: That was Amos.
Scott: And that's about it.
Jake: Good. Good.
Steve (as Amos): You heard Amos say "We're gonna go over there."
Scott: I think you were stretching.
Alex: It must be the winds. Tychus mentions that it looks like y'know- whatever got a hold of Vantajar it's likely we're going in on their home turf and I'd rather they don't get the jump on us. So I want to try and help the entire group sneak. Maybe throw some mud on their faces as camo to blend in a bit better. Try to be stealthy about out trip towards them.
Scott: Ok. Roll a stealth check.
Scott: Gunny climbs a tree. Tilly goes off and stands still and hums some song that makes you think of wind, I guess. But Tychus you manage to collect up a bunch of mud and some leaves and sticks and what not and you make like little impromptu swamp gilly suits for everyone and you get everyone to put them on and those are going to help you blend in a lot better in the swamp terrain.
Stephanie: You know what? I feel like we're gonna look like the guys from Tropic Thunder.
Alex: We can only hope that that's what happens.
Steve: Amos is going to follow Tychus' lead.
Scott: You guys head out to that over grown structure thing and as you get closer to it, you get more details as you see it. And you see that it kind of looks like some sort of old stone maybe temple or just a old stone building that has become overgrown with vines and stuff of the swamp. It's lilting a little bit to the side as the foundation has given away. And you can see there are parts where it's crumbling noticeably y'know maybe there's a small hole in the wall here or a big chunk missing from an overhang there. And it's very old.
Stephanie: Is there an entrance?
Scott: As you walk around it you do see that there is a very prevalent front entrance, it's got like the big arch over it and everything. Kind of like what you would see in Roman architecture.
Steve: So are there any prints in the ground around it? Or does it show any signs that something's actually using it?
Alex: Stakes in the ground or like tribal things.
Steve: Is it being actively used, I guess, is what we're looking for.
Scott: Yeah you guys creep up on this thing. You don't see any creatures or movement of life around it, but you will see more and more tracks as you get closer to it. The same clawed-foot tracks.
Stephanie (as Gunny): So who wants to go in first?
Alex: Awkward silence.
Stephanie (as Gunny): No volunteers, huh?
Steve (as Amos): Is the plan here to go in? Or are we going to watch?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Are we gonna go under? Or over? Are we just gonna wait? Because waiting sounds boring.
Alex (as Tychus): I mean, standing out here. It strikes me as pretty unlikely that Vantajar just comes out there under his own willpower.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Right.
Alex (as Tychus): If we're gonna get him, I'm thinking we're gonna have to go in there and find him.
Stephanie (as Gunny): My thoughts exactly.
Jake (as Tilly): Tally ho.
Steve (as Amos): So, are you just saying we go up there a knock?
Alex (as Tychus): Does anyone- I don't think we'll be able to talk to them. Does anybody speak?
Steve: What do Lizardfolk speak?
Alex (as Tychus): Bird-lizard talk folk speak?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Do they not speak common tongue?
Alex (as Tychus): I have no idea.
Scott: Anybody proficient in nature roll a nature check.
Stephanie: Is anybody proficient in nature?
Stephanie: Not me.
Scott: So you don't know what they speak.
Alex (as Tychus): It's that or we could try and make a bunch of noise and get some of them to come out to use and then we can see if they speak? But that gives away our element of surprise if we do that.
Stephanie (as Gunny): We could create a distraction and they'll all run out here and investigate and we'll sneak in while they're not looking.
Steve (as Amos): Alright, well how about we hide around the corner there and toss something as the door and see if anybody comes out.
Stephanie: It's an archway, right? Not a door?
Scott: No it's got a stone door, but it's in an archway like...
Stephanie: Got it. Ok.
Alex (as Tychus): Yeah, I don't have any better plans.
Steve (as Amos): So was that a yes?
Stephanie (as Gunny): Yes.
Alex (as Tychus): Let's do it.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Everybody hide.
Scott: So you guys crawl off to the side, one of you is going to throw a rock at this stone door?
Stephanie: Gunny's gonna throw a boulder.
Alex: The door opens.
Scott: I don't think there's a boulder.
Stephanie: The whole building comes crashing down.
Scott: I don't think they're a boulder nearby.
Stephanie (as Gunny): Well let's just go in.
Alex: We could always cut down a tree. It'll fall over, should make a pretty loud noise.
Stephanie: Let's just go in.
Steve (as Amos): Alright. We can just go in there.
Stephanie (as Gunny): I'll go first.
Scott: You guys approach the temple and the front door and up until this point you guys, I'm assuming, have been pretty far away and as you get closer to it, roll perception checks.
Scott: Okay, anybody who beat a 15, so it sounds like Tychus and Gunny. As you guys approach, you head, through some of these small holes in the wall- you hear from inside the temple the screaming of Vantajar and he's yelling, "Help! Help! Master Amos! Master Amos help! It's like I'm a plot device in my own story!"
Title Theme: "Celebration" by Alexander Nakarada (www.serpentsoundstudios.com) under CC BY 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0) Remixed as needed.
Recap Theme: "Tracks" by Daniel Birch (https://www.danielbirchmusic.com/) under CC BY-NC 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/) Remixed as needed.